12.13.14


   I have almost all the money I need to pay for Haiti. People that I never expected to give have given. My grandparents sent me $25.00, by far the most meaningful money anyone has ever sent. This is almost too easy. The struggle for me has not been about money. I am so used to doing without things that I am more comfortable giving up the convenience of buying whatever I want.

But, I do occasionally find myself stifling panic attacks. 

I am running a to-do list through my head, as though I need to be concerned with all of these things immediately. 

  • Pack my suitcase now. 
  • Buy enough food for my family now. 
  • Cook easy freezer dinners for Peter now. 
  • Get my shots to avoid illness. 
  • Clean the house and keep it that way. 

   Controlling everything is a sin I struggle with, and I know Haiti, for me, is about surrendering to The King. Trusting that it will happen stress free and easily. I could never be certain that my people will have all they need while I am gone. I can't be sure Peter won't have to cook, or go to the store. It is even less about Peter having to shop and more about me wanting to guarantee that they will stay safely tucked away in the four walls of our home. 

If I can keep them from leaving the house while I am gone, I will be able to eliminate anything bad from happening to them. 

Since the day I gave birth to Sarah 8 years ago, I have been afraid when we leave the house. 

Afraid God will take the people I have built my life around. 

And now I know it is past time for me to give them back to Him, 

The Author of their lives. 


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